Welcome And Guest Introduction

Announcer 0:06

Welcome to the Leading Conversations Podcast, sponsored by the Excel Leadership Network. On each episode, JD Perry will have conversations with church planting pastors and leaders from around the country. You can learn more about how to connect with Excel at the end of this podcast. Let's join JD now and listen in on this leading conversation.

J.D. Pearring 0:30

Welcome to another edition of the Leading Conversations Podcast with Excel Leadership Network. Today we are thrilled to have with us the great Adam and Karissa King from the Dear Young Married Couple Podcast and the Dear Young Married Couple book. Thank you guys for being here.

Adam King 0:50

Man, it's an honor to be with you today. Thank you.

Karissa King 0:53

Thank you, JD. We love you and Lori and everything that you guys do. We're we're big fans of Excel Leadership Network.

Why Their Marriage Book Exists

J.D. Pearring 1:02

Well, hey, right off the top, is the book out yet?

Karissa King 1:05

It'll be out in July.

J.D. Pearring 1:07

Do you have a launch date?

Karissa King 1:08

Um, it'll we'll pre-orders will launch at the end of June. We don't have the exact date yet.

J.D. Pearring 1:13

Okay. Good. Well, hey, tell us about the book right up front. Before we get into how you came to Christ, just give us your one-minute buy this book spiel.

Adam King 1:22

Well, we found that a lot of couples uh do marriage without a manual. And uh as we were, you know, newly married, we did not do it very well. We had a lot of bumps and hiccups and frustrations. And we decided we wanted to help couples out, you know, not go through all that hard stuff. I think we you can go through hard stuff, but it's it's better to have a map, so to speak. So uh Dear Young Married Couple was our attempt, the actually the podcast was to glean information and glean wisdom from people who have been there. And our book is disseminating that information as best we can in like tools and practical tips, not just principles. Principles are wonderful, but sometimes people need to know what to do on a Tuesday morning. So that's our that's our attempt at doing that.

How They Came To Faith

J.D. Pearring 2:16

Wow. Well, that sounds great. Maybe we'll get into that later on. Maybe I'll ask you a few questions about early on marriage. But let's just start with how did you each come to faith in Jesus? How did that happen?

Karissa King 2:29

Yeah, well, I'm blessed to have parents who raised me to love Jesus. Um, and I'm thankful for that. Um, but I received the Holy Spirit when I was six years old. And um I remember it. I remember where I was. I was in Oregon at a sweet little church there, and um so thankful for that experience. And then over the years, as a young person, I knew I was called to ministry. Um, the the calling came in stages for sure, but um, I knew at the age of 16 that marriage ministry, even though I wasn't married, um, would be part of my future.

J.D. Pearring 3:10

And so I started how did you know that as a 16-year-old single girl? How did that happen?

Karissa King 3:16

It's so funny. I remember listening to Dr. Laura on the radio. And I told my parents, I was like, that's what I want to do when I grow up. And my dad reminds me of that all the time. And um, but I I remember I started my uh degree in psychology at 16. Um, and then graduated with my master's in marriage and family therapy when I was 21 and jumped right in. We got married when I was 19.

Adam King 3:41

I remember her coming home from her her uh interim or the you know, prison was training her, and she's like, Yeah, I had a couple today, and they just looked at me and I felt like, man, I'm not old enough.

Karissa King 3:56

Very young, but but I knew um it was a a piece, and um, I think both of us were blessed with parents who, you know, they're both still married, and after 40 plus years of marriage, and um, and so it's it was a a young calling for sure, but um, that calling became progressive into what the Lord revealed to us, and you could share your side of it.

J.D. Pearring 4:18

Yeah, so let me just ask before we get to Adam Carissa. Uh, isn't the key to marriage naming all your kids with a K? Isn't that your family, right? What are the names?

Karissa King 4:29

Yeah, my family all does start with a K. I'm the oldest of five children. My parents are Ken and Kim, and then I'm Carissa, and then there's Karina, Carly, Kayla, and Kyle.

J.D. Pearring 4:40

And you married an Adam. Oh no. I threw it off.

Adam King 4:47

Yeah. So my really I I felt like I was born in the church. My dad was um just kind of on the streets of West Sack, really, really rough guy. My mom was um kind of on the upperty uppity side of town, but still difficult upbringing. And they were new converts in the church um when they had me. And um, so I was raised around church. That's really a lot of what I knew. Um, got the holy holy spirit when I was about eight years old. Um, and really from there, I just, you know, I was really one of those good kids. I didn't really test things until I was about 17. I went to college. I went to Casumnis River College and um took a whole bunch of classes um in the human like I took a I remember astronomy, a biology, and a humanities class, and it just ripped the rug from under me. Um and I really started questioning Christianity at that point. Um, and at that point, apologetics was not a deal. It was at or as big a deal as it is now. Um, and I was so confused and scared to ask the hard questions. Um, thankfully, I opened up and talked to my dad, and he gave me a uh Josh McDowell book, you know, The Evidence That Demands a Virginia. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I uh read that sucker. And um, and that started really a journey of of kind of finding evidence and and you know, embracing the evidence that God has given us for existence and the resurrection, all that stuff. So that's kind of my story of faith in a nutshell.

J.D. Pearring 6:41

Well, thank you for sharing that. Carissa, did you have any uh time of rebellion?

Karissa King 6:47

You know, when I was 16, Adam and I started talking, and he was going through, he had he had just started his journey of like searching into like apologetics.

Adam King 6:59

Going through my cynical phase.

Karissa King 7:01

Yeah. And um, and so that actually was a time of questioning for me too. Um, we actually both have a copy and we we keep them side by side on our bookshelf. We both got a copy of Evidence that demands a verdict, and um, we highlighted and asked questions and studied together and then started looking into other apologetics books, but that was a time of of deep questioning for me too.

J.D. Pearring 7:26

Wow, so if you're talking at 16, when did you guys become the thing?

Karissa King 7:33

Uh right right around that time. We got married at 19 and 21.

J.D. Pearring 7:36

Yeah, we were young. So dear, young, married couple. It could be dear, very young married couple.

Adam King 7:45

It could be, yeah, that's for sure.

J.D. Pearring 7:48

So you you got married. Was was there a call for you, Adam?

Adam King 7:54

Um, I don't, I I can't put my finger on one moment. I would say one of the most formative moments, though, um, in that direction was um it was a Saturday night, and my mom and dad came to me and said, Hey, um, so my dad was actually uh an assistant pastor at a small church in Rancho Cordova. And he came to me and said, Adam, um, the music minister is not going to be there um Sunday. Could you please play the piano? And I said, Um, no. He said, Well, what do you know? And you know, I could play like blues, I could play classical, but um, you know, Christian hymnal songs was just not in my repertoire. So um, but I ended up playing like Amazing Grace and then something else. And we sang that song over and over for a while until I could get more songs under my belt that everybody could sing to. But that was formative in the sense that I was starting to become more others-minded or you know, trying to help something, or you know, being a part of something integrally that that was like that was more than me and forced me out of my shell because I was a little bit more quiet. Um, I had I was gregarious, but didn't ever want to be in front. So being in front at 11 years old, playing the piano was quite a big leap for me. Um, and that's really where I learned a lot of uh kind of leadership skills and you know, facing that fear of being in front of people. Um, and then when we got married, I was um I was for sure leading um you know, leading the church. I was a minister music minister. My dad took a church in Oregon later on. Um and then we got married shortly after that. But that's where like I was already had been questioning my faith for quite a while. And at that point I really knew that there was a God. I was fairly comfortable with the resurrection of Jesus. And um of course when you go through those things, you tend to I I don't know, you you tend to feel it from other people, it seems, when they're questioning. Um so I would bring things up and talk to people, and I always had that heart for God. So holding people's conversations and those difficult questions was very comfortable for me, and I welcomed it so people found me. So I would say that pursuit of ministry looked like really just working with people and loving people and trying to, you know, help them ask the questions maybe that they hadn't asked yet, but I knew that they were struggling with. So that would that's how I'd probably answer that question.

J.D. Pearring 10:57

Okay. So the two of you you get married at 19. Wow, you're crazy. Yeah. You know, you know the the the statistics of under 20, right?

Karissa King 11:11

No, a lot of them end in divorce.

J.D. Pearring 11:14

Oh, yes. The the the divorce rate goes down dramatically once one is over 20, if both are over 20. Anyway, you uh you get married and you're doing a young married couple podcast. So uh tell us about the first couple of years or a couple months or a couple weeks or a couple hours or whatever.

Karissa King 11:34

Well,

Early Marriage Conflict And Hidden Struggles

Karissa King 11:35

if you want to hear about our first argument, oh man. Sets the tone for the first few years of our marriage. I remember we were on our honeymoon and we were sitting um at this restaurant. There was a funny story as to how we got to this restaurant in Puerto Vallarta. A drunk man pointed us down the dark alley.

Adam King 11:54

This is before iPhones and GPS.

Karissa King 11:56

Yeah, this was 2008. We've been married 18 years now. But uh we were um we were both young and just, you know, thought, thought that we had it all handled, thought we knew what we were doing. And we sat at that table and um we were sharing because you know, we were there on our honeymoon as a result of the generous people at our wedding that gave money to the, you know, the little tradition where they put money in the pants or whatever.

Adam King 12:26

And then my groom's been rated all the cards for all the money to put in our pockets.

Karissa King 12:31

Yeah. So we're sitting there and uh they come up afterward, you know, we're on a budget, we're we're drinking water, we're sharing a meal, and um, we're sitting there and they they come up. Would you like to put a sombrero on your heads for a picture for a dollar? And of course, I'm thinking about the sweet memories that we're making on our honeymoon. It's only a dollar. And Adam's like, no, that's this is that's dumb.

Adam King 12:56

It's a dollar. I have a camera.

Karissa King 12:58

And I said, Yes, for sure. And they plopped the sombreros on our heads and took a picture, and we have that picture to this day. And Adam is like forcing the smile.

Adam King 13:10

I felt so disrespected. I said no, and this woman that I just married went right over the top of me and said yes. How dare she?

Karissa King 13:20

So that was a good representation of the first few years of our marriage. Um, really just butting heads and arguing logistics.

J.D. Pearring 13:30

So, how did you get how did you work through that? You said, Hey, let's you'll be Dr. Carissa, we'll get a show. No, how did how did all that happen?

Adam King 13:41

Man, so we we struggled um a lot just because Chrissa is, you know, hard-headed and she married me. That's very hard-headed, and we clashed um a lot. Yeah. And I think it was really just really God, I would say was a big deal trying to keep us keep us sane and and you know, we knew what we ought to do. And so we eventually always said I'm sorry, and and worked through it because we we did love each other. Um, but I think it was after a couple of years, we got some tools. Um, she was working on uh being a cup becoming a therapist at that point, and um she's like, Hey, I learned this stuff. You want to go with me and and learn this? And so once we got a few tools under a belt, things started getting a little bit better over time, but we never opened up to anybody about our marriage issues. It was very much well, you know, we didn't want to look like a failure to anybody. We were super sensitive to that. I I wish there wasn't that stigma we could have gone to people, but I don't remember ever going to anyone.

Karissa King 14:54

Yeah. And that's part of our heartbeat now is breaking that stigma and giving, you know, permission, so to speak, for people in our shoes who are struggling in their marriages, as a young married couple or an older married couple, um, to seek help, get accountability, get mentorship. It doesn't have to be therapy, but get some mentorship in your life.

Adam King 15:18

Just makes it so much you feel seen, you don't feel so trapped in your marriage or in your situation if you could talk, talk about it and have someone ask good questions. Like it makes such a big difference in your, I think, uh in your mindset going into it.

J.D. Pearring 15:39

Now during this time, Chris, were you still thinking about becoming Dr. Laura?

Karissa King 15:44

I mean, we we definitely were headed in that direction of marriage ministry. Um, so I I started getting asked to do you know little uh weekend events or workshops at different churches. And um, and I told Adam, I was like, uh, they want me to speak on marriage. At this point, I was probably like 21, 22. I had I had my master's, but I was still young. And I was like, they want me to speak on marriage. We're trying to get our life together. I was like, um, you have to speak on marriage with me if I'm gonna speak on marriage.

Adam King 16:18

And I said, nope. Not not doing it. Um sombrero. Yeah, no. And and then at this point, we had um moved, we weren't in Oregon anymore. We moved, we were youth pastors for about four years. Um incredible learning experience, incredibly difficult for both of us. Um but but really wonderful. Like we learned so much in that time, you know, working with kids and parents. Um and then we moved again, and this is where really we started uh thinking about doing this. She asked me, she's like, hey, uh, you know, you want to do this with me? And I said, No. She said, babe, come on, you gotta she's like, Okay, I'll give you some stuff to read, and and you could, you know, just kind of follow my lead. I was like fine. So so uh we did it and I had a lot of fun. I I really enjoyed it because we had really been focused on young people at this point. Um and I didn't feel qualified to speak to other problems, you know, that were you know people that were my elder. Um, but we we saw that there was a gap in um just kind of like good principles around uh I I I I want to say like science. A lot of people in our movement or you know, the Christians that we are working with weren't really read up on here's what, you know, here's some tools that have been proven via studies or something like that that work. You know, it was more like you know, using the Bible, but a lot of people knew like I'm supposed to love my wife, but this is really hard. God gave me a really difficult wife to love. And and that was kind of the the feedback we were getting. So we thought maybe we could just teach a tool or teach things that we know work, it worked for us. And that's kind of what got our foot in the door starting to do this.

J.D. Pearring 18:33

Now, are you still doing therapy, Carissa?

Karissa King 18:36

Yes. Um, I am a marriage and family therapist, but most of our work that we do is under the umbrella of coaching, marriage coaching. So um I that's what our paperwork says. You know, this is not psychotherapy, this is coaching.

J.D. Pearring 18:52

Okay, okay, and when did the podcast start?

Why The Podcast Took Off

Karissa King 18:55

The podcast started in 2020. Um, before the pandemic, our first episode was in January. Um, so it was fortuitous because uh once the pandemic hit in March, um, listening to podcasts. So it it grew really quickly at that point. Um, so it's I mean, we were we had we had like 50,000 plus downloads per month from the get-go, um, just because of how how quickly it exploded with with the pandemic.

Adam King 19:27

Well, how it started though was really interesting. Um, so much of God was in a lot of the these moments, but I remember where we were, we were actually backpacking. Um, my wife and I, we loved camping as kids and we loved hiking, and we're like, let's combine the two things, camping and hiking. And so we went out and bought tents and stuff. And on one of our trips, one of our first trips together, because we needed a third thing. We needed something besides ministry to to do together that we loved doing together that wasn't because we gave ourselves like we felt like we were all so focused, but not really playing at all on anything. So we found that and we just loved it. And I remember being on one trip where I think it was Loch Levin Lakes and Tahoe National Forest. Um, and I remember Chris's saying, babe, we should write a book. I remember looking at her and going, Oh yeah, really. Like, we're gonna write a book, huh? And she's like, Yeah, like we need to read write a book on um just marriage, you know, just just to to help people like us figure this stuff out faster than we did.

Karissa King 20:40

And we had been married like 10 years at that point, yeah.

Adam King 20:44

And um, I was like, Well, I said, we're gonna have to probably do some marketing because no one's just gonna read a book by Adam and Carissa King without actually having something of like, do they know us? Or and she's like, Well, like, what do we do? And I said, Well, why don't we start a podcast or start an IG account or do something like that? Start giving free information, and that's how it started. We never wrote the book for many years and started the podcast and that exploded. And so that that's kind of the genesis of the story.

J.D. Pearring 21:20

What is the uh since I'm not a young married couple anymore, uh what do you do on the podcast?

Karissa King 21:27

So on the podcast, we interview experts in the field, um, whether experts by you know popular opinion or experts by our opinion. So um we've interviewed all the primary authors in the field that you can think of. Um, Dr. Gary Chapman, Gary Thomas, um, John Deloney, uh just these experts, right? That people know of.

Adam King 21:51

Dan Alender, Jake Stringer.

Karissa King 21:53

And then, and then we contact people that we respect just in our circles, um, you know, pastors. And therapists and uh people like JD and Lori Pering in our circles that we know are experts that we respect, both in ministry and in marriage. Um, people with a testimony, people who are sharing how they've overcome difficulty in their marriage and breaches in trust. And um, so we've been able to glean wisdom from these older married couples. Um, most of them are our elders, and pour that wisdom both into ourselves and into our audience. And so that's that's what it is. It's a curated letter to a young married couple. That's why it's called Dear Young Married Couple.

J.D. Pearring 22:38

Great, great, wonderful, wonderful.

The Retreat Center Vision In Tennessee

J.D. Pearring 22:41

And and now you guys are moving. What's the deal with this? Why why are we leaving California? What's going on here?

Karissa King 22:48

Well, the Lord gave us a vision many years ago, um, right around the time that we started Dear Young Married Couple, and we actually created a vision portfolio at the time with what what he gave to us.

Adam King 23:00

Not like Paul on the road to Damascus, more like a dream.

Karissa King 23:06

So um, we have felt uh we've observed that people in ministry um are often just overworked, um, they overcommit, they're burned out, and they need a place of refuge, um, both in terms of counsel and in terms of like physical space, just getting away. And so uh the Lord gave us a vision of um creating that refuge, a retreat center where couples can retreat, couples in ministry, leadership, business. Um, they can just get away and um pause and have if they want counsel to be a part of that, they can seek that. Um, but we have had all the doors open for us to make that a reality um in Tennessee, outside the Nashville area. And um, so we we got the nonprofit going just as of um the end of last year. And um, so we're gonna be doing the grant writing process this year and purchasing property um there outside of Nashville.

J.D. Pearring 24:12

Why Nashville?

Karissa King 24:14

Well, uh it was just a long string of of uh what our pastor called breadcrumbs, you know, that the Lord just led us there. Um, but we we had some prophetic moments. Uh one in particular, someone said, I feel like you guys are gonna be in uh someone who operates in the gifts. And he was like, I feel like you guys are gonna be in Middle Tennessee. This is a few years ago, and we were just like, okay.

Adam King 24:36

I brushed it off.

Karissa King 24:37

We just wrote it down, but brushed it off. Um, and then other things happened along along the lines of um um prophetic moments and moments of just people speaking into our lives about transition and change um and doors opening. And um, we ended up connecting with a pastor in Murfreesboro, Tennessee that shares um our vision for helping couples uh in leadership and in ministry. And um, come to find out, Murfreesboro, Tennessee is the middle of Tennessee. And the church that we're gonna be going to there is called Center Point. So it's the center of Tennessee. Um, so that's that's pretty neat, but there's a lot of other stories in between.

J.D. Pearring 25:21

Yeah. So what's the timeline of getting the retreat center up and going?

Adam King 25:26

As fast as God gives us money for. We're um we're right in the middle of the move, but I I'm I'm thinking once we get a house over there, we'll start looking for land. And um, we're in the middle of some grant writing to see if we can get something moving here. And I mean, I I think it's it'd be wonderful to be able to have a place. You know, we love doing this on online, you know, with people because we see people from all over the world on, you know, video chat do counseling and leadership coaching and stuff like that. Um but we love to bring them to us and you know, and maybe like have several like tiny tiny homes uh that they could stay in and kind of get away. What we found with with people that help other people is that they become very, very uh worried about their own anonymity and they get worried about you know, too many people knowing their stuff, like it would invalidate them from ministry.

Speaker 2 26:26

Yeah.

Adam King 26:27

So they hold it in and and act like everything's okay when it's not. And we just want to help people understand like it's okay. Like James says, you know, to confess your faults one to another and to pray for one another, you know, so that they may be healed. Um that's our that's our dream to to to start providing that and maybe to shift the culture a little bit more in that direction of being a little bit more open and trusting and um and maybe so that the helpers aren't so condemning and more uh you know careful with their words.

J.D. Pearring 27:03

Well, good. Well, I mean that does sound uh super exciting. So I'm really happy for you. And the book's coming out. When the book comes out, send me a note, we'll get it up on our uh our updates for Excel couples. If somebody's looking for coaching or thinking, you know, three years from now, I want to go on a retreat. How do they get a hold? What's the how do they get a hold of Adam and Carissa King?

Karissa King 27:28

Yeah, they can go to Dear Young Married Couple.com. Uh we have contact information there. They can email us at hello at DearYoung Mary Couple.com. Um, we have Instagram, Dear Young Marry Couple, and um the podcast, Dear Young Married Couple.

Adam King 27:42

And you too, Dear Young Mary Couple.

J.D. Pearring 27:44

All right. So Dear Young Married Couple. And how often does the podcast come out?

Karissa King 27:48

Every week, Tuesday mornings.

J.D. Pearring 27:50

Okay, Tuesday mornings came out today.

Karissa King 27:52

Yes, I did.

J.D. Pearring 27:53

With with who who was on it today?

Karissa King 27:56

Oh, who was on it today? Our team publishes it. We don't keep track of the timeline. Okay, I'd I would I'd have to see who's on it today. But I think you guys are on next week.

J.D. Pearring 28:06

Oh, all right, all right.

Karissa King 28:08

Yes, great.

J.D. Pearring 28:09

Hey,

Daily Check In Tools That Work

J.D. Pearring 28:10

um, you've you've kind of dripped some things in, you've talked about potential tools. Uh, how about each of you give us a a marriage tip or a leadership tip?

Karissa King 28:21

Sure. Um, so one marriage tip is uh to have a daily check-in with your spouse. Um, and actually, I attribute the concept behind this tip to Lori Perring because she told us early on, she was one of our first podcast interviewees um back in 2020. And she said to keep short receipts, keep short accounts, and um a daily check-in helps us do that and many of our clients. And so one tool is to ask each other these three questions on a daily basis. Number one, what went well in our relationship today? And this is a way for you to look for the positive things happening in your relationship. The research shows that if you're in a negative space, you often find more negative things and miss the positive things. It's called negative sentiment override. Um, your reticular activating system in your brain looks for what you tell it to look for. So, you know, when you want a Jeep Rubicon, you start seeing Jeep Rubicons all over the freeway. Same concept. You know, if you are looking for the good, you start seeing the good. Um, and so if you know you're gonna be asked that question at the end of the day, you're gonna look for it. Um so you notice more good. So, what went well in our relationship today is the first question. Second question, what didn't go so well in our relationship today? And that's not necessarily to look for the negative, because you're gonna more easily find the negative anyway, but it's a way to keep short receipts. And so that's when you respond with, hey, I wish this would have gone differently. If that happened, I would feel blank. Um, that's another tool embedded within a tool. Um, and then your spouse hears you out, you know, okay, you wish this would have gone differently. If that happened, you'd feel blank. Um, and so that that helps you just um not stuff it, not avoid the hard stuff. And then the third question, how can I be helpful to you today or tomorrow? And that doesn't have to be something grand. Um, that can be like, hey, I just want to cuddle, or can you help me uh review this paper before it's due at midnight if you're in that season of life? Um or can you get one kid ready for bed while I get the other kid ready for bed? Um, can you put toothpaste on my toothbrush? Like I have asked him that so many times.

Adam King 30:37

Like that's she's hard to please.

Karissa King 30:38

I feel so thin when I walk into the bathroom and there's toothpaste on my toothbrush. Um, but it can be anything um that you just you know, you're being a team in that last question.

J.D. Pearring 30:50

Those are great. And those are from my wife.

Karissa King 30:53

I don't know if those particular questions are from her, but the concept she's Yeah, that sounds like Laurie.

Adam King 31:00

She said uh keep short receipts.

Karissa King 31:02

Yes.

J.D. Pearring 31:03

All right, yeah, that sounds just like her.

Adam King 31:06

Yeah. The what I would say, I'll just branch off of what Krissa is saying. A lot of guys listening to this going, you know, short receipts. Okay, yeah, right. I'm not gonna bring it, you know, got people don't like to bring things up because they don't want to rock the boat. Um, especially guys, I think we're trained. Yeah, we're trained not to uh, you know, really feel very much. You know, I don't think guy a lot of guys are not emotionally uh intelligent. They're not trained. It's not that they can't be, it's just that um it hasn't been that skill hasn't been trained in them. So early on, you know, I didn't have needs, but I was constantly frustrated, you know, like and I had expectations. Uh remember that frustration is the result of unmet or uncommunicated expectations. And so, you know, I had different ways of doing things, and she was doing her things and asking all of her things, and I felt like, man, like can we just chill out and not ask each other to do things? Like, you want me to change everything? And it was that frustration. So she was confronting to connect, and I was withdrawing to protect. And I think a if a lot of guys um instead of withdrawing and kind of defending their honor, defending themselves, started to express their their their needs without being poked and prodded, um, I think a lot of marriages would go better.

Speaker 2 32:40

Yeah.

Adam King 32:41

And the way to do that generally is not saying what's wrong, like, you know, you keep doing this, but doing it in the form of a wish. So what we train, what we are trained in, and what we train a lot of couples to do is ask for like so, hey, I you know, I wish that um when you came home today, instead of just you know, walking by me, just acknowledge me. I felt ignored a little bit. And if that happened, I would feel um just more loved. And that's that's right there, that what I did is a tool. So I wish that blank, and if that happened, I would feel blank. That's when we say a tool, it's a repeatable process that you go through that has a very predictable outcome. And then when I do it in that form, she knows it's I'm using a tool, and her the expectation is in our marriage, is that she'll stop and say, Okay, I heard you say, and she'll repeat to what I said. So that's what a tool looks like. Um but it's been very, very, very helpful to have those expectations very clear and me not to stuff them until I, you know, explode after the you know, 15th thing that I'm frustrated with, you know. My righteous indignation is yeah. Well, you're wearing the sombrero, so it's a good it's exactly it, man.

J.D. Pearring 34:05

Yes. Well, it's interesting hearing you two talk is in in ministry, and we find it's a lot, one of the themes that comes up in our network is that uh most I think most guys, guys went into ministry, they expect their wife or their spouse to be this cheerleader. And like Carissa, uh Adam, God didn't really give you a cheerleader, he gave you your wife's a leader. I mean, my wife's a leader, and uh instead of just wait, what are you doing? Why are you talking bringing, you know, bringing her up to lead the things that she's leading? But that causes the fact that you know, both in the couple are leaders, uh that makes for a powerful powerhouse couple and also makes for a lot of issues, like you said, that people are not real excited about being honest with to too many people because you know you can't go to people in your congregation and say, yeah, we're really struggling because she did this. It's like, no, no, you're supposed to be the perfect couple. But I uh no wonder you guys are gonna have a continued phenomenal ministry, even though you're going too far away. But uh yeah. Hopefully you'll get one established there and then you'll establish one out here in California.

Adam King 35:28

Amen. Amen before things turn around. So absolutely.

J.D. Pearring 35:32

Well, I appreciate you guys, appreciate what you're doing. So excited about your uh just vision for uh a place. We will pray for grants to come in. If I see anything, I'll I'll let you know on that. And we just appreciate you being on today. Thank you so much.

Adam King 35:49

Thank you. Thank you, man. We really appreciate you and Lori. You guys are awesome.

How To Connect And Final Charge

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